Improve your odds at a successful relationship

As a relationship coach and a facilitator of divorce recovery workshops, I see alot of turmoil involved in relationships. The issues cover the entire spectrum, from infidelity, lack of sexual encounters, lack or respect, to rearing of children.

The divorce rates are staggering. They are 50% for the first marriage, 67% for the second, and 74% for the third. So by the time you’re on your third marriage, you only have a 26% chance of a successful relationship. You’d think by the third time, people would have relationships down to an art, but the opposite is typically the case.

This is because we have a tendency to stay intertwined in our old habits. These are usually the habits that brought about the demise of the first, second, and third relationship/s.

So here are two ways to avoid the increased likelihood of a failed relationship. 

They are:

Firstly, work on self-growth and getting rid of the old habits. For example, if you know you are anal-retentive, perhaps you can begin working towards not needing everything be perfect, so you don’t drive others mad with your compulsiveness. This is something I certainly have to work on.  : )

If you know that you are a slob and it tends to cause problems in your relationship, begin taking some steps on becoming less of a slob. For instance, start putting up your shoes and picking your clothes up off the floor. It seriously does not take even two minutes and can make a huge difference in not driving your spouse bonkers.

Secondly, find someone more compatible or that shares your same interests, this could even include sharing your bad habits. Oddly enough two slobs living together will most likely be more harmonious vs. a slob and a neat freak living together.

It’s extremely important when choosing a mate, to look for someone with similar goals and values. I can’t emphasize this enough.

So, do yourself a favor if you want a greater chance at a successful relationship, choose your mate wisely and be diligent with your criteria and never stop working on bettering yourself and eliminating those pesty old habits.

Peace of Mind

Often times when people are going through divorce, peace of mind is the last thing on their mind.

Understandably, people get caught up in the emotional and legal aspects of divorce and all the circumstances that surround it. From the legal perspective, they focus on things such as the custodial rights of the children that they will be seeking. They focus on the property settlement or the asset distribution.

From the emotional side, they wonder about the injustice of the treatment from their soon to be Ex-Spouse. For example, why did he or she have an affair?

Some divorcees focus on the anger or resentment that they are carrying because life did not turn out the way they had planned. There are those that have a difficult time letting go of guilt because they believe that they could have done more to save the marriage, but it was too late. Then there are those that are suffering an immense sadness because of the great loss of their loved one that they had hoped to spend the rest of their life with.

 

Divorce leaves people feeling a broad spectrum of emotions. Unfortunately, most of them are debilitating or negative emotions, like sadness, anger, resentment, regret, or anxiety.

Very few people going through divorce are able to do so in a “peace of mind” manner.

The stakes seem to be too high. There are a lot of issues to contend with, even for those that are seeking or desire the divorce.

 

So how does one achieve this Peace of Mind in the midst of divorce?

Here are some things that can help:

First, take time on a regular basis to think about what would make you really happy in each area of your life. Begin to meditate on these things and visualize yourself in these scenarios that would bring about this happiness.

Second, set specific, measurable goals for improvement in your relationships, your health, your work, and your finances and write them down.

Third, resolve to do something every day to increase the quality of some area of your life and then keep your resolution.

 

Peace of mind is essential for happiness. The greater your peace of mind, the more relaxed and positive you are, the less stress you suffer, and the better your overall health will be.

 

Divorce is very challenging to your peace of mind. However taking the action steps listed above will help to overcome the obstacles and expedite the time it does take to achieve Your Peace Of Mind.