Control or change, They may be one in the same

I read a funny story today about God, Adam, and Eve.

The message proclaimed, “Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that, even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His own children.

It spoke of how children and grandchildren rarely heed the warnings or instructions that parents give to them. The point was that when you’re frustrated with your children and your inability to control them, remember even God couldn’t control Adam and Eve.

Eve still ate the apple.

I thought that was a very interesting analogy and that the same principle of trying to control people’s behaviors transcended over into relationships, primarily spousal relationships.

Many people go into their relationships thinking they’re going to be able to control or change certain behaviors of their spouse.

For example, the woman may be thinking “oh when we get married I can get him to save money or stop watching TV so much”. The man might be thinking that the woman he is with spends too much money and that once they solidify the relationship, she’ll stop spending so much.

I myself, am a clean freak, and often want my spouse to clean up after herself more than she desires to. My efforts to try to get her to conform have been met with failure. And her attempts to have me gain a greater affection for her cats have been in vain.

What’s more funny or ridiculous, is that neither of us have given up on these efforts to transform the other after 3 ½ years.

You know what they say about insanity….It’s doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

So I guess call me insane!

Trying to change people is an attempt at control.

If you’re ever interested in trying to let go of some of your control issues, go get a book entitled “THE FIVE THINGS YOU CAN’T CHANGE” by Henry Cloud. One of the points he illustrates is that you can not change people.

If you’re still trying to change your spouse or control their behaviors, it is very unlikely that the change will occur and typically the more you pressure the issue, the more bitter and resentful your spouse will become.

So, please proceed with caution, Trying to change them is probably a futile effort.