Will you give away or keep the farm?

In most cases, divorce is a splitting of emotional ties, as well as assets.

And for many, the two are very closely related.

Those going through divorce will face asset or debt negotiation or some combination of the two.

And people going through the divorce process cover the whole gamut of these negotiations.

• You have some spouses that will try their best to make an amicable split throughout the entire process.
• You have some that attempt to keep everything for themselves because they believe they are deserving. This could come from feeling they were mistreated during the relationship, either physically or verbally. Perhaps there was infidelity involved and they think that acquiring the majority of the assets is justified as an attempt at retribution.
• You will even have some spouses justify the desire to acquire the majority of assets because they feel their partner didn’t spend enough time with them or they didn’t feel their physical and emotional needs were met.
• Then you have some that are willing to let their Ex have everything.

This last reason is typically out of guilt. Perhaps the person feels guilty for asking for a divorce. They may feel guilty for having had an affair. They may feel guilty for not living up to what they believed was their duty in the relationship, or some may just want to be done with the whole relationship and the “turning over” of all the assets is an attempt as a “buy-out” from the spouse. And then finally, you have some that just wish to rid theirselves of all these items because they are painful or bad reminders of what has come.

Whichever position you find yourself in, please understand that at the beginning of the divorce proceedings most people are charged with a full range of emotions.

 This range of emotions leaves people experiencing a difficult time focusing for a variety of reasons.

It could be lack of a good diet or intake of adequate calories. Some people are so severely depressed about the circumstance, that they can’t stop being sad. For those that are angry, they can’t see straight because they are still breathing fire. Finally, some are still in the stuck in the hope that things will work out and that they and their Ex will get back together.

Whatever stage of grief you are in, denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, or acceptance,

please be aware that you still have a future and need to negotiate what it will take for you to survive and have a reasonable lifestyle if possible.

You also need to understand that you have value and worth as well and giving away all your assets is not allowing yourself to be valued. By the same token, if you’re trying to take away all the assets in an attempt to “stick it to” the Ex, you’re basically stating that they have no or little value.

At some point this person meant something to you and you probably had adoration and respect for them. Remember they are still a human being and do have value as well.

Certainly there are extreme circumstances and those should be considered, but

Somewhere, as in everything in life, there is a balance;

 A balance for both of you.

So please be wise, sit down with a coach, attorney, and/or financial planner, and consider what your future outlook should be and what your needs are.

Don’t be so quick to give away the farm or so reticent to keep it, because this could end up costing you the ranch!

THE RIDE

Life is dynamic, meaning it’s always changing. This means there will always be different series of events; some good, some bad.

In the movie Parenthood, the grandmother described life as a roller coaster. She spoke of the ups and downs and the excitement that comes with that.

The ups and downs are the primary reason most people enjoy roller coasters. If the ride ran flat all of the time, it probably wouldn’t be very exciting.

Life is similar. It’s full of ups and downs or highs and lows. If there were always highs, then you wouldn’t appreciate them as much when they occurred. We’d probably take them for granted. On the contrary, if there were constantly lows, then we would become frustrated from never experiencing the highs.

As a coach I watch people react to various life events and see how they let that affect their future course or happiness. It’s amazing how many of us are stifled by life’s events. We let one or two events prevent us from moving forward and lose our momentum, so that we can’t get back to the upside of the roller coaster.

Divorce is one of those significant life events that has its way of stealing a person’s momentum and desire to get back onto the ride. However, through great pain can come great experience and great learning. Without making it to the bottom of the roller coaster, you’d never be able to make it back to the top with exhilaration. As difficult as divorce may be, many divorcees find that there is a lot that can be learned that will help them to thrive in the future. These individuals seek new opportunities and take the risks in the hope of getting back to the top of that coaster knowing that the soaring heights and beautiful view will help them to get through the next tough time they endure.

No one is immune to heartache, dismay, or hurt. Everyone rides the roller coaster of life. That’s not an option.

The choice is, will you choose to get onto the roller coaster again willingly so you can get to that next high quicker or will you choose to wait and stay riding low with no chance of exhilaration. For those of you that are ready to get back on, you may even try a bigger coaster that you’ve never tried before.

Happiness is not something that finds us, we have to find our happiness. Many people wait a lifetime for this only to find that Life and Happiness are what we make of it.

Life is about choices and experiences. The options are yours.

What Experiences will you create?